The Day I Finally Stopped Listening to Everyone Else
There is a quiet war we sometimes wage with our own reflection. For years, I knew the enemy well: it was my lips. Not that they were bad, not that anyone else noticed, but every time I looked into a camera and watched the footage back, my eyes would go straight to that one feature. And I would feel that familiar pang of self-consciousness. I had thought about doing something about it for years. I had even booked the appointment twice before, and twice I had cancelled in a panic. I listened to other people's opinions too much. That was the real reason I backed out.
But something shifted. The more I saw myself on video, the more I realized this wasn't about anyone else. It was about how I felt when I saw my own face without makeup, without the lip liner I used to overdraw them just to feel okay. So I booked again. This time, I thought about it for months. I knew it was a "bad" reason—that chasing what you don't like about yourself can be a slippery slope. But the desire grew stronger than the fear.
I chose a Saturday. The Thursday before, I announced to myself: "This is my second last day of having skinny little lips." I was terrified and excited all at once. I'd heard it was painful, but I knew it was a process.
The Morning Of
That Saturday, I woke up scared. Not going to lie—I was terrified they would be huge, that I wouldn't like them. I looked at my lips one last time in their natural state. I had decided to get a full milliliter. I'd spoken to people who got half a milliliter and then went back for more top-ups. It made more sense to me to go for the full amount the first time.
Before the appointment, I was starving and needed coffee—though I later realized you're probably not supposed to drink caffeine before lip fillers. But I went anyway. The salon was warm outside, and I had no idea if I'd be allowed to film. I planned to ask and capture whatever I could.
The Procedure: Nothing Like I Expected
The pain was nothing. I didn't feel it. Maybe it was the numbing cream they left on for thirty minutes. The actual injection was quick and uneventful. But when I looked in the mirror afterward, I was shocked. I didn't want to film at first because I felt so surprised by what I saw. The practitioner recommended a full milliliter because with half, she said, you wouldn't notice a difference after the swelling went down. She warned me that they would go down by about thirty percent after a few days.
At that moment, my lips looked red and alien. I thought, "No one wants to see me like this," so I decided to wait and give an update later.
The Swelling: A Surreal Experience
By 9:00 PM that same day, the swelling had increased dramatically. Bruising surfaced. They were huge. It was crazy. The practitioner had recommended arnica cream and antihistamines to help with the bruising and swelling. I was also using plain Vaseline to keep them hydrated—four times a day as instructed. Speaking was difficult. Eating and drinking felt strange. I had to use a straw because I couldn't close my lips properly. They weren't sore unless I accidentally pressed them together, but the sensation was bizarre. They felt huge, numb, and not like my lips at all. I remember thinking, "If you've never gotten lip fillers, you cannot understand the feeling of your lips not feeling like your own."
I applied the arnica cream, looked crazy, and went to bed exhausted, hoping that from tomorrow they would start to go down.
Four Days Later: The Turn
By day four, I felt so much better. The swelling had decreased significantly. I was still getting used to how they looked on my face. I noticed a small lump or bump on one side when I massaged them in the morning. It wasn't the end of the world, but I hoped it would go away. Yet despite that, I was happy. Every single photo I had taken since Friday—I loved myself. I had never felt so confident. It was insane. My friends said it changed my face, and I hoped that was in a good way. I just felt more proportionate. The bruising was still visible in spots, but the lump was the only concern.
I hadn't done makeup because of the heat. But I was curious to see how I would handle my lips with lip liner or lipstick now.
Nine Days Later: The Final Result
Nine days out, all the swelling and bruising were gone. I had barely worn makeup, but when I did, my lip liner followed the natural line beautifully. The result was amazing. Not to be dramatic, but I was so happy. It had changed my life. This isn't me pushing cosmetic augmentation or plastic surgery—but I learned something crucial. Listen to your body. Do what you want to do. Don't let other people's opinions stop you from anything.
That is the one thing I would tell my past self, and that is the one thing I'm telling you now. Your journey is yours. Sometimes, a small change can make a world of difference—not because the world changes, but because how you see yourself changes. And that is everything.